Sure, we’ve all seen the Disney movies with the evil stepmother. She’s mean. She’s ugly. She’s greedy. Who would ever want to be that kind of a person? Where is the father and why isn’t he stopping the evil stepmother from being so mean?
Let’s think about this. Cinderella’s lovely, angelic mother dies. Her father is heartbroken, she was the love of his life. Her father doesn’t know how to raise a daughter much less run a house. He finds a woman that can do this. They may be in love or she may be just good enough. They marry and all is well until the father has to get back to whatever it was he does to bring home the bacon. He’s gone more than he’s home. The stepmother has to take care of his child and his house and hardly gets a chance to feel like a woman. So much responsibility that she has to carry on her shoulders alone. She becomes resentful of all of this and doesn’t know how to handle it all while still keeping the house running smoothly.
Her darling partner, Cinderella’s father, should be there to help but he’s gallivanting around the English countryside doing whatever it is that he does. He doesn’t write, he doesn’t send money, and he doesn’t father his child. Overwhelmed by all this, the “evil stepmother” employs Cinderella to help out with the housework, take care of herself, and generally make ends meet.
The evil stepmother is the resentful stepmother that can’t control her resentment towards Cinderella’s absent father (her husband). If only she could separate the father from the daughter. If only the father could not hand off his own offspring. If only the father could provide for his children and not marry someone just to have a caregiver for his daughter – hire a nanny instead.
Please don’t think I’m advocating that being an “evil stepmother” is justified. The woman needs help and the father needs to make better life choices.
For anyone in danger of becoming an “evil stepmother”, some more information on Anger/Resentment (silent anger):
- Underlying anger is caused by a perceived loss of control over factors affecting important values. The values in the above examples might be pride, getting someplace on time, someone you love, money, or being treated “fairly”–we are frustrated about not getting what we want or expect.
- Remember that anger stems from fear and a sense of helplessness. Some important value or goal is threatened and you feel that you are losing control of the situation. You may not want to admit feeling hurt or fear.
- With anger, we usually think we know what caused the problem. We have some target(s) for our anger. It may be the person criticizing you, the person who cut you off on the freeway, an attacker, your boss, or even yourself. With anger, we may hope that a burst of energy aimed at the threat will defeat it. Or we may hope that a burst of energy will break the barrier stopping us from meeting our goal.
- Anger can be used constructively at times. It can give us energy we need to fight back if physically attacked. However, for most situations it merely clouds our judgement and creates extra stress. If anger prompts aggressive behavior toward other people, it can permanently harm relationships–especially with those we love. Prolonged or frequent resentment (mild anger) has been shown to be a significant cause of cardiovascular problems and heart attacks. It is the villain behind “type A” behavior.
For more information, see http://www.csulb.edu/~tstevens/b-anger.htm
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